No doubt if your reading this, your already bracing yourself for yet another Thanksgiving related article. Good news, this isn’t one of those feel good articles about the new thing in stuffing or a new idea to make with turkey. No, this is my way of saying how angry people get me when they wait to the last minute to get food for holiday cooking. I know I don’t want to set foot into a war zone Wegmans the day before every cook braces for the upcoming holiday cookery. Should I have to wrestle with people over squash or pumpkin filling?

Norman Rockwell Is On Something

Holidays to me brings idea of snow, Norman Rockwell, and good old fashioned family time. In reality, holidays means I have to deal with the more conservative members of my family, who no matter what will be uptight, irritable, and *Caution* … highly Jewish. No offense to anyone who practices the faith, but certain members of my family are rather uptight when it comes to eating outside the box. They tend to stick toward only kosher items, which heavily restricts me as a chef, and don’t like to try new foods outside of their comfort zone. Any attempt to argue with them on this leads to resentment, self-loathing, and finally death (Just kidding).

The Early Bird Gets The Worm, or Whatever They Can Find Really

Another wonderful part of the holidays is the battle of the bulk foods. This may be the only time of year that I am more afraid of a little old lady with a turkey tucked under her arm a la Heisman Trophy than an angry hormonal pastry chef. Mother’s, cooks, and the elderly come out of the wood work and flock to grocer’s and market’s like locusts on a crop. I saw women fighting over stuffing that nearly broke into violence. Not just that, but on three, (3), different occasions I saw people snagging items out of other carts. That’s just a little crazy, and might just be prevented if you just went out and did the shopping a few days earlier.

Bah Humbug

While I hate the holidays, to be fair, I do enjoy getting to see family and show off my cooking (albeit dumbed down). It’s a difficult time of year, trying to juggle that much cooking, with the logistics of families and children, and food that involves all day and sometimes multiple day cooking. I ask this season that everyone enjoy themselves, and please, if your foolish enough to fry a turkey, make sure its done outdoors away from buildings. No one needs a holiday and a funeral.