A Halloween Poem

"Are you’re tired of eating rice?
Then please take this sound advice.
Here’s a dish you can prepare,
When your hair is here and there…
Find yourself some small white mice.
Chop them into tiny dice,
Add some freshly cultured lice,
VOILÀ! Mice with Rice and Lice!!!”

Clive's Halloween Menu

By special request (my dead granny), here is this year’s menu for the 31st October. Pictures by courtesy of Mr C. Dracula……

Appetizers: Grilled Cockroach
with Hoisin Dipping Sauce.

Bat Soup (A flying success!)

Hamster with Sweet potatoes and Purple lettuce

Sweets:

Chocolate coated Spam truffles.

CheezWhiz Cheescake with Anchovy and Fig Gastrique.

Ask a Silly Chef! Get a Silly Answer!

Send Clive a Question!

As part of our effort to educate new and aspiring chefs, we bring you this special feature from our Silly Chef, CliveCleaveClaveClove. Ask away!!

Question 1:

This question comes from Mrs Smith of Birmingham, UK.

M.S.: "What is the best way to prepare Moose?”

ChefCCCC: "Well it depends what you mean by moose. If it’s that gigantic four-footed beast from the North I’d say you probably have to kill the blighter first, to avoid getting poked with them huge horny things!!

Now if you’re French, you could do Salmon Moose, or perhaps a nice Smoked Haddock Moose. Course, the Scots don’t eat moose; they just get their cats to chase them out of the hoose!!

Questions 2:

The second question is from Donatella, a newly-wed from Sacramento:

Donatella: "I ‘ave a terrible problem, I ‘ave to prepare ze pasta for Sunday for la Nonna and I don’t ‘ave a clue. ‘Ow do I unroll the Fetuccini?? All those nests, I’m very,very worried."

ChefCCCC: "Well don’t worry, Donatella. We’re ‘ere ( I mean, here) to ‘elp. First, you remove the nests from the packet. That plastic won’t taste very nice, will it?!!

Then you soak the pasta in boiling water overnight. The following day, you separate the fetuccini and carefully iron each one so they’re nice and straight, OK?

Just a word of warning: DON’T use starch when ironing. La Nonna will blow a fuse, capish?”

On the Night of Halloween

It was the night of Halloween, and the King Edward potato was all dressed up to go and have fun.

He jumped into his spanking new Yukon Gold Porsche and stopped by the nearest bar for a quickie.

Unfortunately for him, there was a gang of punk carrots lurking outside. When they saw the flashy spud poncing across the parking lot, they fell on him like a pack of wild hot dogs.

They jumped on him, poked his eyes out, ripped off his nice purple jacket, whipped him to a mash and left him for dead.

Fortunately a Mother Superior Zucchini was passing by and called an ambulance.

After a long and complicated operation, akin to preparing one of Chef Sponny’s more complex inventions, the King Edward came round.

"Where am I?”, he groaned.

"You’re in intensive care my friend”, said Dr. Roo. "but I have some bad news for you.


You’ll be a CABBAGE
for the rest of your life!”