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Orgasmic Turkey for Thanksgiving!
In a bold move from the Gourmet Team at "PLAYBOY" magazine, the Executive Chef, Ms. Caress Minicely, has come up with a wonderful idea for sexy couples at Thanksgiving: Orgasmic Turkey!!
Raised at a Nudist Facility near Camp David, the orgasmic turkeys are fed a diet of lobster, tequila shrimp, caviar, pate de foie gras and tender purple lettuce leaves.
" Our turkeys are sensually prepared for the most exhilarating experiences", said Ms. Minicely. "They are raised stark-naked, and run around their pens wearing nothing more than G-Strings (which can later be used to tie up their legs)".
Rumor has it that the turkeys are only allowed to sleep after gobbling at photos from PLAYBOY and HUNK magazines…
Know why it's called Thanksgiving?
Because once a year we give thanks that we finally get to eat a home-cooked meal!
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Ask a Silly Chef!
Get a Silly Answer!
Send Clive a Question!
 Special Feature:
Thanksgiving Turkey:
We have had many cooks asking about how to do the turkey on Thanksgiving Day. So here are a few useful hints!
(If you need some more, just send a stamped, addressed envelope, with a $100 check inside!)
What kind of turkey should I buy?
This is a very good question. From my years of experience, having handled literally thousands of turkeys, I'd say without a shadow of a doubt:
- make sure it's dead when you buy it!
Is a macho better than a blonde?
There is a common misconception about machos and blondes. Firstly, a macho turkey doesn't take no for an answer. So, unless you want to fight with the perishin' bird all night long - look for a hen!
As for blondes - a turkey, dear readers, is a tropical bird. That means, sunshine all day long, and turkeys have never see No-Ad Sunscreen!! So if your turkey is blonde - RETURN IT! It should be tanned! Blonde turkeys are raised indoors!!
When should I buy the turkey?
Buy your turkey well before Thanksgiving. IF you buy if afterwards, it'll be too late! You may find yourself sleeping in the car at the local parking lot!
Is it burnt?
If you are one of those people who just stick the poor bird in the oven and then leave it for 17 hours whilst you swill down as much beer as possible, well OF COURSE it will burn! You're the cook, aren't you ? (Don't answer that). You're supposed to be watching the food, for goodness sake! And blasting it with your new Black & Decker
Blow Torch to " brown the top" will NOT improve the flavor either, in spite of what they say! It's burnt when it smells like yesterday's BBQ, ok? So watch it!! Like a hawk!
Should I cook it upside-down?
Yes, you should cook it upside down if you live in Australia or New Zealand, geddit?!!! (HA, HA! just my silly joke). If you cook your bird upside down, then at some stage you'll have to turn it downside up. This could be a problem, especially if the legs fall off. Plus, of course, it'll be all squashed when you serve it, but if you like
squashed turkey, then go ahead! Feel free!
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