All The Answers

The answers contained here will not make you rich. Nor will they assist you in your pursuit of fame, fortune, or happiness. They won't help you get attractive dates, stop you from going bald, show you how to make a million from real estate you don't own, or tell you how to give your seventy-three-year-old skin a youthful glow. These are answers for you to use at your discretion in everyday circumstances. They are about relationships, belief systems, romance (or lack thereof), and ultimately death. These are answers of all pedigrees, short and long, good and bad, polite and rude, covering every subject in the everyday language of everyday people. The only things missing are the questions.

1. Trust me. I do this all the time.

2. I'm just not ready to make a commitment

3. No.

4. NO!

5. No, there's nothing wrong with my pancreas. Why do you ask?

6. Unleaded.

7. If I HAD three pennies, I would have given them to you.

8. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

9. I have a high metabolism.

10. Forty-Two, maybe fifty.

11. I was absent that day.

12. But if I tie it looser, that'll defeat the purpose.

13. I'm not authorized to release that information.

14. If the Clorox doesn't get it, try a mixture of lemon juice and muriatic acid.

15. Define love.

16. You'll break your mother's heart.

17. I had it done when I was in boot camp.

18. When hell freezes over.

19. Because the world would be a lot better off it things were done my way all the time.

20. I mailed it yesterday. It should be there by the end of the week.

21. I ran out of stamps.

22. No, honestly. I can't taste the freezer burn.

23. To make as much money as humanly possible as quickly as possible while expending the least amount of effort.