The Bachelor Diet

Monday

Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth

Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.

Afternoon Snack - Drink the maalox

Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.

 

Tuesday

Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw

Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.

Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

 

Wednesday

Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat Breakfast after a night at El Flasho's

Lunch - Rolaids and a coke

Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps 

 

Thursday

Breakfast - Order out for pizza

Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.

Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives. 

 

Friday

Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you.

Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder

Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

 

Saturday

Breakfast - Sleep through it.

Lunch - Ditto

Dinner - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

 

Sunday

Breakfast - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.

Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch. 

Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.