What aspiring chef doesn’t need real world culinary experience? Who wouldn’t want to get in on the ground floor of a hot new restaurant and work alongside a renowned chef? I’m imagining that applications to chef David Gilbert’s internship program will be as creative as they are competitive. It’s cool that Chef Gilbert will personally select the intern to work with him at his new restaurant. I looked at the internship application and noticed that applicants need to submit a personal statement describing why they would be the perfect candidate for the Chef David Gilbert Internship.

That got me to thinking… What would make me the “perfect candidate?” And, more frighteningly, what sort of ridiculous claims will other people make to appear to be better qualified than me? I envision the following:

  1. “I can afford a train ride to Dallas, but I’m short on the plane fare to Spain.” Sure, there are unpaid chef internships out there, and some are in some pretty attractive places. But, lets be realistic. I’ve been paying tuition, fees, purchasing equipment and gear for some time now. The last thing I need to do is go into more debt, drag myself half-way around the world and pay someone else to work for them for free.
  2. “My resume won’t be complete until I learn to throw food around as only Chef Gilbert can.” That photo of Chef David Gilbert tossing food in the FoodCandy article was magical. What is that stuff? I think I see oranges, sauce, beans, berries, pasta and more flying mid-air all at the same time. What happened to the camera when everything landed? I must learn this! I must! I must!
  3. “My dog is mad at me, and I need to bring home some truly amazing leftovers to win her back.” It all started with this cute tradition of dressing alike on Christmas morning. Our family wears matching Christmas pajamas every year and I thought it would be nice if we got my dog some Christmas pajamas too. How did I know she was going to become the poster dog for Christmas pajamas at Perfect Pjs? Now she is embarrassed that her photo ended up on the internet, and only someone as talented as Chef Gilbert can teach me to cook well enough to get back on her good side.

OK. My creativity is now flowing in full force. Time to submit my own application.